Days … I’ve lost track, through I’m not sure I care anymore … S366LYDoG:
That probably sounds pretty cynical. That would be my M.O. but, this time I think it’s just sheer exhaustion. Let’s catch up …
Everyone warned me it would happen and, it did.
What do I mean by “it” you ask?
Well, the dreaded “it” was falling down my stairs. You shouldn’t be surprised, really. I know I’m not. It happened a couple of weeks ago and I’m still bruised on one cheek …
… And by cheek I mean bum!
It wasn’t funny at the time but, I just read what I wrote and I’m snickering loudly.
I’ve told you before that I am the klutziest (is that a word? Probably not but, oh well) person you will ever meet. I finally know why though. I thought it was because I was born with a warped super power and, maybe one day it will prove to be just that. Actually, in all seriousness, a doctor educated me earlier this year about my lack of proprioreceptive (google it, I don’t have time to explain) abilities. Apparently people with Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome (look here) have really poor proprioreception which essentially makes you really, really clumsy.
Aha! So it wasn’t just me. Ok, so it is just me. Well, now I’ve confused myself.
You catch my drift …
The point is this. Over the summer I moved out of my parents house (yay!) and into a condo. This condo has a garage underneath it with seventeen (yes, I count them at least twice a day) cement steps leading from the outer door of my garage up to my front door. Now, you all know I love a good pair of totally nonsensical shoes as in the ones pictured below (yes, these are mine.) On this particular day, however, I was wearing the more sensible shoes pictured below aforementioned ankle-breakers.
Oh, what a klutz that I am. I had my arms full of things to deposit in my car and I can’t tell you what happened exactly, only that I lost my footing around stair five and didn’t stop bumping until stair one. Emphasis on bumping. Luckily my bum took the brunt, at least it cushioned my fall somewhat. Though, to be honest this is the first time since then that both cheeks have been fully functional in a sitting position.
For your entertainment, it went something like this …
That first missed step was a doozie. You feel that sudden rush of adrenaline only to recognize that, in that moment, there is not a darn thing that adrenaline can help you with except to add hype to the situation.
Umph, that was elbow, ow! Crap (except I didn’t say crap … ) I’m going down.
Oh … no … maybe not, there’s the handrail.
OK, never mind, I just hit my head on the handrail. Well that was unpleasant. Crap (not really … ) again that was my other elbow.
Damn it, I’m going all the way down. Shoot (insert other expletive here … ) Right butt cheek down people!
Mayday! Mayday! Left butt cheek completely obliterated! That’s it I need to install a slide.
Did anybody see that? Nope? Oh, good, at least my pride is intact. Kind of.
So there you have it. And yes, I did think this as I was going down give or take a few choice words. Miss Klutz strikes again. No worries, feel free to laugh. I did after I got done crying.
So, you’re probably wondering what my “grateful” is after all of that? I have couple actually.
I’m thankful that nothing other than a couple of giant bum cheek sized bruises were the outcome. It could have been worse. The last time I fell down the stairs I broke my foot and then ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. Sheesh! Go big or go home, right?!? I’m grateful that the cheeks were the only real casualty in this scenario!
I’m also thankful for my sons, who after hearing the fall, came out and put my arms over their shoulders helping me back into the house. They were very brave and held back tears as I sobbed on the couch. My oldest, without any prompting, wet a rag, gently cleaned my scraped up elbows and back, bandaged me up, and brought me an ice pack. All while my younger son clung to me and stroked my hair while I cried.
Watch out young ladies, I’m training up a couple of great hubbies for you and I’m afraid I’m going to be a little protective of their loving natures when dating time comes around.
So, to sum up … I’m grateful for fleshy cheeks and good boys who care for their klutz of a momma!