Wowza! I am so behind! I have this ridiculous way of setting unrealistic expectations of myself. Silly me, I thought for sure I could keep up during the final three weeks of school.
Uh … Nope!
This is actually good for me, realizing and accepting my own human imperfections has always been a struggle. I know this is a little thing in the “Grand Scheme” of things but, for me, this is a big deal.
Deep breath … so I’ve started missing a few days here and there. The only person really noticing is me, except that now I’ve pointed it out to all of you as well.
Like I said, deep breath …
Enough of that! Let’s get to the “gratitudes” I’ve been meaning to write about.
I wanted to return to April’s theme, autism awareness. So, here goes.
I’ll count this as day 111. I’ve mentioned that Sean is kind. Along that same vein, he is also very sensitive. Often unable to adequately express his feelings, he and I have developed a kind of non-verbal form of emotional communication. If you are a regular reader, you know that my health is a great challenge in my life. Sean is very sensitive to the ups and downs that I have. He doesn’t say it out loud but, I know it scares him when I have to go to the doctor unexpectedly or the emergency room. He has witnessed me in pain and I’ve seen him blanch in reaction to my suffering.
I’m told that children on the autism spectrum have difficulty with empathy. I wouldn’t say that Sean necessarily has empathy rather, he is attuned to the suffering of others and is very concerned with their comfort and well-being. He may not be very demonstrative with his caring but I can always tell when he is worried or concerned. While I don’t like to see him afraid, I am very thankful for his sensitivity. I think this is what makes him so kind and compassionate.
On to day 112 and tagging onto Sean’s sensitivity I would also say that he is without guile. I know I’ve said this before but, allow me to me expound on this for a moment. He is genuinely invested in the success of others. Of course he loves to win, just like any kid, but he is also excited about the accomplishments of others. One of my proudest moments as a mother was during the school spelling bee this year. It was down to him and a girl in the sixth grade. He had just misspelled one of his words and she was just sitting down after flawlessly winning the bee. I saw him lean over to her and say, “Good job, congratulations!” My heart melted. In that moment I saw someone who is far more mature than I am because I was shamelessly wishing to myself that she would somehow falter. Not Sean, he was sad about not taking first but I saw his genuine happiness at her achievement. I’m so thankful that he has this trait, he will have a happier life because of it.
I’m finally caught up to today. Day 113 and I feel grateful for the fact that he is good at memorizing things and keeping a schedule. I am usually so on top of life, more on top of life than is healthy I imagine.
Not so much …
School is kicking my butt and I’m falling apart. I’m probably not really falling apart, it just feels that way. I can’t tell you how many times Sean has had to remind me of where we are and what we are doing. Sometimes this trait can get on my nerves because I feel like I have to be ever so careful about what I commit to etc … However, these days I love it! He certainly keeps me on my toes but, I need that right now. I lean on him more than is fair probably and I know that I should be the adult around here but my capacity to “adult” has been severely damaged or something. So, I’m glad that my 11 year old is willing to step up to the plate now and then.