Day 66 S-366-LYDoG:
Today was a very emotional day. I’m not even sure why. There was nothing bad about it; nothing out of the ordinary but, I just felt off for most of the day. I have a difficult time with days like these because, at least when I know why I’m feeling emotional, I feel like I can do something about it. Days like today are a little too nebulous for me. My logical mind wants concrete reasons for feeling down, none of this “blah” stuff.
I’m still on my “comparing me to me” bit so I’ll start there see if I can’t find my grateful. In days past I would’ve taken a funk like this to heart. By this I mean that I would have gone very black and white in my thinking and decided that life was a terrible, horrible experience. A day like this might have been the start of a deep depressive episode that may have taken weeks to overcome.
Now, I have the depth of character gained of years of experience telling me that this was just an off day. Nothing more than that. Everyone is bound to have them from time to time. There is nothing new or unique about feeling down. I think it is a normal part of life to have generally good days with a few “blah” days in between. It is, however; our choice what we do with and about those “blah” days.
I’m grateful that days like these aren’t the norm. There was a time when I would’ve believed otherwise but, I’ve learned to believe the contrary. A bad day no longer depresses me, life is more than black and white, this or that; there is always a little bit of color in between when you look for it.
Today my color came in the form of an eight year old son who gently tried to put his little arm around my big shoulders during church today. As he did so I leaned into him a little bit and he proceeded to rock me back and forth as you would a small child. Tears scattered my cheeks as I felt his love for me and his desire to bring me comfort.
I’m so thankful for all of the colors I do see in life. I appreciate what it took to learn to see those colors and I understand what a blessing it is to know that they are there. I’m so thankful for a loving Father in Heaven who shows me those colors in the big and small things of life, like being encircled in the arms of your eight year old son.
I could ask for no greater bliss or satisfaction on a “blah” day like today.