Day 22: She Takes Me Apart…

Day 22 S-366-LYDoG:

There are times when you need to be taken apart before you can be put back together. It may not hurt at all but, most often, it can be quite painful. Often we have a negative view of pain; however, I think that sometimes pain can be a good thing, allowing us to improve and grow as we come out on the other side of it.

Most often I blog about the emotional aspects of this phenomenon. Today, though, I am thankful for the person who helps me do this physically. Of course it is all interconnected. I believe that the stressors that drive our emotions end up locked away in our bodies. For me, at least, I tend to store my anger, sadness, and fear in my body. This does not help me when I’m already driving around this earth in my “clunker” body as it is. I try really hard to find my “zen”, to relax and let things go … but let’s face it, that is so much easier said than done!

I feel like I may need to catch you up on some things before I go on. I think the last time I blogged about my health I was on a drug called Remicade. Remicade is a drug that suppresses the immune system. If you’re familiar with my blog you’ve probably read my complaints about the fact that my immune system likes to attack me … sometimes viciously.

Rude! I know!

Unfortunately for some people Remicade can cause another auto-immune disease to come to the surface, Lupus. Of course, with my luck, this happened to me. Sadly the Remicade was helping me manage my pain in a way that no other drug is able to do but with the occurrence of Lupus I can no longer take Remicade or anything in that family of drugs. All of the doctors I visited with at the time gave me that all too familiar pitying look while saying that I’d just have to get used to a life of pain.

Rude again!

As you can imagine, this has been a bitter pill to swallow. After I finally stopped wallowing in self-pity, I figured that since I’d pushed western medicine to its limits it was time to think outside the box. I started looking into things like acupuncture and varying forms of massage therapy. I had hesitated to do this because it can get expensive but I just couldn’t live in the anguish of my pain anymore. I knew there had to be some way to find even a small measure of relief.

Today I visited my massage therapist. I should probably let you know that I am extremely picky about massage therapists. Many moons ago I attended massage therapy school myself. I decided that it wasn’t the career for me because of the physical nature of the work but I learned of the very real benefits. So, when I say that Nicole is the best, I really mean she is the best!

Massage

Don’t mind my post-massage-I’ve-been-crying face …

She has a way of blissfully, yet painfully, taking me apart and then carefully and exquisitely putting me back together again. Of course I tell her all about where I’m feeling the tension but, then she gets started and she listens to my body as she goes and wrings the tension out. There is no rush to her movements. My body speaks and she listens and carefully responds with her touch. She finds my pain and, quite literally, rubs it away. Often I will bury my face in the sheets and sob the sorrow from my heart as she attends to both my emotional and physical agony.

She takes me apart … and in doing so helps me be whole again.

Stina

~PS: if you live nearby I will share her info with you. I promise, it is worth every penny!

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