Today’s Update

Here is my first update. There are so very many things going on with my health that I won’t go over every last detail in this first post. Suffice it to say that I am currently suffering from several different chronic illnesses caused by my auto-immune system. I’m afraid that if I give you everything all at once you might run screaming from the computer. Yes, it is that bad, (remember no sugar coating) so we’ll start small, well not really, but here goes. I’ll begin with the most pressing challenge of the day, Crohn’s disease. If that phrase doesn’t send shivers down your spine, click on the link and read up. I am literally starving to death. I spend most of my day in or near a bathroom because the symptoms can come quickly and unexpectedly. Currently I cannot keep food down. I am either suffering from bouts of painful cramping and diarrhea or uncontrolled vomiting both of which produce copious amounts of blood. (I warned you, NOT PRETTY!) Today I am having a mild flare up. This means that I cannot leave the house without risk of having to stop for a restroom. It means that I cannot eat a single meal without anticipating cramping. I’m not talking mild stomach pain either, we are talking full on, double you over, break out in a cold sweat, can’t breath, cramping. It makes me tired, it makes me hurt all over, and most of all I am so hungry I can hardly stand it. The problem is that knowing what happens when I eat makes it mentally repulsive to eat no matter how hungry I may get. Add to this the fever and chills, feeling faint, and the chronic fatigue that comes from starving to death and you have a small picture into my life as of late.

Now that you are thoroughly grossed out! I have to say that even on a day like today I can find humor in the fact that if you are anywhere in my neighborhood or out shopping my local haunts I can tell you, without fail, where the closest and best bathrooms are. My mom and I joked several years ago that we should start our own “Triple AAA” reviews and books about public bathrooms. We’d rate them using moons instead of stars of course. Five moon bathrooms are the porcelain throne of your dreams and a ½ moon bathroom consists of a hole in the floor. We might actually have something here, seriously! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve barely avoided an accident because I pull up to the gas station with the ½ moon rating and, blanching at the thought, decide to run over to the one across the street which rates more like a 3 moon affair. It is sad the lengths to which I will go to preserve some amount of dignity even in severe agony because I’m risking that very dignity for pride’s sake! Oh the ironies of life!

So when you sit down to your meals today, take a moment to enjoy. I mean really enjoy it. Don’t beat yourself up over what you’re eating, don’t think about the calories, don’t even think twice. I don’t mean go out on an unhealthy binge rather, just enjoy the fact that when you taste, chew, and swallow your food it is most likely going to provide you some type of nourishment and satisfaction (especially if it’s a Snicker’s bar mmm, my favorite!) Appreciate the fact that it won’t create excruciating pain and all of the loveliness that follows that pain when I eat. Take a bite for me and maybe, vicariously speaking of course, I can absorb some of that bliss from afar. The lesson today is a common one that will be repeated often on my blog, don’t take ANYTHING for granted!

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9 thoughts on “Today’s Update

  1. Christina, i had NO idea! Seriously, thanks for sharing. I too love to write out my feelings. I hope this helps you feel better and gets stuff off your chest….i hope you have a good weekend.. xo

  2. Even though we’ve talked about it so many times, this has helped me to understand what you are experiencing so much better. I just can’t believe how gracefully you handle this (and always have dealt with your trials). I had a friend who would always end a note, “I love your guts!” Unfortunately, to you I must say, “I hate your guts (for what they put you through), but I absolutely adore you!”

  3. I know we have not seen each other much in our lives, but I want you to know that I love you dear cousin. Thank you for creating this blog because I have thought of you often as of late and wondered about your health. I cannot imagine what facing this must be like. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are truly with you. I love you.
    Rachel

  4. My sweet friend I was full of emotions reading what your going through, I could never imagine. You are so loved by many you will never be a burden. You can vent, cry, and scream all you want. Has your Dr said anything about drinking anything like ensure? Your in my prayers. Love you

    • Jami, thanks for your kind words! I do drink a lot of ensure and something that nestle makes called boost. I’m going to campaign for better flavors, chocolate, and vanilla are getting old! LOL

  5. I love you! I’m sure you cringe every time someone talks about calories. I’m guilty of that. You are a strong woman. Through all of your pain and suffering you always share a smile with others. I hope you keep up with this blog. I will follow! I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. Thank you for your beautiful example in my life. XoXo!

  6. My daughter was diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta at the age of 18 months. Blotched back surgery lead to 81 abdominal surgeries. She suffered severe cramping and nausea. The poor angel fractured vertebrae from vomiting. It was a dreadful situation, and I can only reach out in cyberspace and send you gentle hugs. She got so tired of liquid diets…

    • Hello! I am honored that you have stopped by to read about my experiences and share a bit of yours. I have since been to your blog and was so very touched! Thank you for sharing you and your daughter’s courageous story, I only just started reading this evening but am looking forward to delving in and feeling of your strength and courage!

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